Onset Living Disorder

Science has discovered a new disease that has apparently affected humans since the early 20th centuries. In 1910 the average life of an American male was 43.7 years. 100 years later that same man can expect to live to 81.3 years. With the increased life expectancy the symptoms begin to show with more frequency. Symptoms included delayed reaction time, slower cognition, issues with short term memory lapses, suddenly reminiscing about being in the navy during "the big one"- WWII. There is also degeneration of muscle tissue, circulatory complications as well as joint disorders and lower back pain, difficulty finding the TV remote.

O L D Coot

The AMA has recently recognized this disease as Onset Living Disorder. (OLD) Symptoms begin as early as 30 though are so mild that they go relatively unnoticed. Abby Hoffman was the first to make a reference to OLD. He was quoted, "don't trust anyone over 30," Clearly he was refereeing to the symptoms of OLD. There is no known cure, and pharmaceutical intervention is in its earliest clinical trials. People experiencing OLD usually don't recognize the symptoms, but younger people can clearly see the symptoms, usually in traffic... and will try to warn them by yelling, "Look out, old man!" The humourous part in that is that within ten years they, too will start exhibiting the same symptoms...again unbeknownst to them, and will have to rely on the younger generation to point out their symptoms... 

Thorazine may help

OLD is highly contagious, though it is not understood how the disease is transmitted... There is no link to junk food, healthy diet, alcohol consumption, nor lack thereof. All we can really do is to take it one day at a time and hope that we do not contract OLD. Fortunately, we can mask the symptoms from ourselves by living comparatively to those older than us and see their symptoms and feel subsequent relief that we are not that bad...