When I am depressed, I think all kinds of terrible things to be true; My friends are disingenuous, nobody likes me, I am all alone in the world. I know these are not true. It is a constant battle between my irrational mind feeding me bad intel, and my rational mind disbelieving it. Sometimes the arguments are so compelling that I actually begin to believe the irrational.
I went into the 4th of July weekend feeling manic. More than usual. I wrote it off to seeing old friends in a familiar location. I was excited, talked non-stop, I was so glad to see everyone. As high as I was, I still knew what to expect...soon.
I had no idea how deep the depression would go. A lot of my triggers were pulled: abandonment, rejection, being disregarded, security, safety, financial comfort... So much negative self talk, I could not block it all out. The only good part was that I was cognizant enough to know NOT to make ANY Facebook comments.
Of course I am disregarding the things that will help: Proper diet, working out, getting out of my apartment, seeing friends.
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| This pretty much sums it up. |
