Breaking up with my refrigerator.

I had an old white refrigerator. It was OK, it kept my food cold, it made ice cubes. It's charm had long since worn off. Discussions came about a kitchen remodel. Old Whitey didn't fit in... I started looking around for replacements. I were in essences "cheating" on Whitey. After dating several models, I found one that was a keeper. It is a beautiful stainless steel Liebherr. $4,500 worth of über-deluxe German technology!   What a dream; French doors, 2 freezer compartments below, ice makes that makes little ice cubes... everything I ever wanted in a refrigerator! It was love about to happen!


Then, I did it. I broke up with Whitey. Disconnected the ice maker, unplugged her from the wall, put her on a hand truck and hauled her into the basement in anticipation of a "craigslist" departure.
Liebherr moved in, she looked good in her new home. Then she started complaining. Just a little motor hum at first, nothing the repairman couldn't take care of. Then it was discovered that she was not installed properly. Another repairman visit. The ice maker work whenever it felt like it, sometimes too much, sometimes not at all. Another repair visit. Another motor hum started. Another repair visit. This beautiful $4,500 über-deluxe German technological marvel was revealing herself for what she really was...a nightmare. A psychotic new girlfriend. I tried to get used to her, but her little quirks became LOUD annoyances. No ice, lots of ice, intermittent noises like farts in bed. Not just one thing but lots of little things that I could just not overlook any more... I kicked the Liebherr to the curb. They came and got her and hauled her away like the woeful slut that she is.
Now comes the hard part. I need some one to keep my food cold.  I saw that no one responded to the craigslist ad... Ol' Whitey was still available. I hoisted her out of the basement where I expected her to fill the void left in the wake of the Liebherr..
She did. Things were OK, we got along alright. She is really good at making ice cubes, ( though they are really big) Then I realized why we broke up in the first place... but it is too late

Jeffrey's Memorial

I felt compelled to post this. I read this two years ago today at Jeffrey's memorial:

Hello everyone, Thank you for coming out today to remember Jeffrey. My name is Tomás, a friend of Jeffrey since our days at Whitworth College. I am challenged today to sum up 21 years of friendship in just a few minutes. We were classmates, study partners, roommates, and playmates! I was in his wedding to Mila, he was my best man when I married. He was the best friend I have ever had. Jeffrey “got” me.

Jeffrey was a man of many influences and unconventional wisdom. He spoke several languages and was well read on a variety of topics. Jeffrey loved knowledge.

How many of us here did Jeffrey encourage to read such authors as Kierkegaard, Kafka, Hunter S. Thompson, Kerouac, Ginsberg, Matt Groening or the Dali Llama? Then later, explore the deeper meanings of it all.

Music was another of Jeffrey’s passions. If there was a band that you never heard of, Jeff probably had. He was always eager to share his newest find. When I lived overseas, he would send me mix tapes. Whenever the return address said “Jeffrey Stevenson, Esq.” I knew I was in for a treat. Many bands come to mind when I think of Jeffrey; Screaming Trees, Offspring, Jane’s Addiction, Dave Brubeck, and of course The Grateful Dead. How can you think of Jeffrey and not think of the grateful dead? He  had the most impressive collection of CD’s and “bootleg” tapes of theirs that I have ever seen. Maybe that had something to do with growing up in Eugene, home of Autzen Stadium, the Dead’s home away from home… Regardless of the reason, Jeffrey was certainly a fan extraordinaire!

We often enjoyed his love for music in his little red Dodge pickup. It had a better sound system than we had at home! With the big woofers situated behind the seats, it was like getting a back massage whenever we drove somewhere. Yes, of course the volume was excessive!

It was in that truck that I have some of my fondest memories of Jeffrey. Some good, some I can’t repeat… My favorite was Spring Break 1991. As our fellow Whitworthians were heading out to exotic places, staying in “party hotels”, we loaded up the truck and headed to Eugene Oregon and stayed with his grandmother. WOO HOO Par-Tay! But together we made it one memorable trip! He was easy to travel with.

On the way back to Spokane, we stopped in Longview to visit his parents. From there we took his dad’s 300ZX to Seaside. You did know we took you car didn’t you, Jack? With the top down the music up, we thought we were “all that” and that day, we were.

I know that we all had a special, very personal relationship with Jeffrey. Saying goodbye to him is difficult. But please, don’t be sad THAT he left us, let us celebrate WHAT he left us; fond memories of a man with a big heart, animal lover, a sharp intellect, cunning wit, a kind spirit and an infectious laugh. I am so grateful that our paths crossed in this life.

Thank you, Jeffrey, for the time that you spent with us. I love you and I miss you, buddy.